Earlier today, around third period, I received word that I, Markel, have been afflicted with the disastrous disease known to millions, maybe even hundreds, as lung cancer. I understand that not everyone knows the specific details involving lung cancer, and seeing as how I now have it, I thought that I should share these details with you.
First thing you need to know about any of your basic cancers, is that it ain't no picnic. Second thing you need to know about cancer, is that it's a bitch to deal with. Third thing that everyone should know about cancer, is that it isn't a damn lemon and you can't make no damn lemonade from it.
Lesser in importance, is the fact that every cancer, ranging from lung to foot all the way to butt, guarantees anyone who has it a ticket to heaven. Also, cancer causes gross amounts of hemorrhages and terrible out.
Specific facts about lung cancer include the way that it always ends up killing you through a successive pattern of splintering lights, breaking and bending so quickly that your eyes and brain can not handle the speed and tint and eventually can no longer refract light properly. And, everyone knows what happens after you lose the ability to refract light properly. Oh yeah, you know what I'm talking about. Yeah, that's right. No, no, that is wrong. That is very wrong. Never speak of this again. Ever.