I don't particularly care about assholes. I've had my share of penises in mine, being an openly weak person who walks in alleyways late at night and I've had my own penis in a few as I don't mind cats. But enough is enough. Once I found out that buttholes are the source of dookies and AIDS I decided that I was against them... so I cut mine off. Let me tell you something, don't do that. A: Everyone needs to dookie. B: Boy, does it hurt!

I believe it was Teddy (or as friends know him "Tedious") Roosevelt that said, "An asshole can not produce offal from a jar in your garage, no matter how many tacos you put in the jar with it. It just isn't a living thing. No matter how hard you try, you can't make it a sentient being."

Take into context that Tedious was bipolar and prone to fits of Turrets. Plus he said that when he was well on the way to being senile, so it's not too surprising.