Party tip of the day: 1- Brand new stilleto shoes can be a pricy party favor for a group of any number of people. I'd suggest some old shoes you found in alleys that are so faded you can't even tell they're Reeboks. However, they must be Reeboks.

Correction: Businesswolfman

Wolfman is nothing but a little bitch. I don't know where he gets off trying to tell me how to run my frothy services but, apparently, he is the most well-known and world renouned expert on frothies and the way they should be served. Take it from me, Wolfman is not cool and should not be dealt with as a legitimate businesswolf.

Party tip of the century: 1- Do not allow fatties into your party. (.002% body fat is where the line should be drawn. Scales are available at all Crap Marts.

I was trying to think of a name for my new suck-ass member of my staff.

So far my ideas are: STD Phacè

I was thinking today, during one of my more garrulous teacher's speeches, I was thinking, I'd like to be getting some more sleep right about now. Not necessarily because I was tired, not necessarily because I was bored of what my instuctor was yammering on about, but rather simply because I would have rather been sleeping at the time than staying awake for no real reason.

Ah! I see that the loser of the team has decided to share with you his "vita," as it were. Let me tell you about him from a slightly more... realistic point of view.
He is the most ginormous loser I have ever met in all of my life. He continually overexaggerates his attributes and he has the biggest losers for his friends. For example, he used to like to hang out with members of Hanson. I heard that he even made out with one of them once. Fact or Fiction? Find out next time on Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Turtles in a halfshell, Turtle POWER!
I guess I'll actually read his post now.

Party tip of the day: 4- Beating small children is not a party game unless you have a sack of Valencia Oranges to do it with.

Party tip o' teh day: 3- Reading F. Scott Fitzgerald's The Great Gatsby wasn't even liked when Andy Kaufman did it, what makes you think it will be when you do it?

Party tip of the day: 2- Bring in a few Nazi's from your neighborhood; make it an educational party. Tip: local Nazi's are found in K Marts all over the world.

Party tip of the day: 1- Holding farting contests before the party gives everyone a strange odor to talk about.

Party tip of the day: 3- Circumcision is not a party game. I learned that one the hard way. Let's just say that... I'm a eunuch.

Party tip of the day: 2- Heroin is not a good idea for a pre-party drug. I'd go with speed.

Party tip of the day: 1- Never force recovering alcoholics to drink an entire keg of beer as a sideshow at your party.

I know what you've all been wondering about recently and no I do not hate Jews. That's all for now.

Adventures of Johnny Question: (Part 2)
"Johnny, where have you been? I have been calling you for the last week."
"I apologize Joe Horn Player. You see I went out of town for about a week. Strange how you have been calling me for a week and I have been on vacation for about a week."
"That's not very strange Johnny. However, I'd have to say that you are." They laughed for a long time. Just as it seemed that the laughter was going to stop... it didn't. Also, Johnny never really laughed.
"Well, what did you want to talk to me about; I hear you've been calling me for about a week?"
"Ah yes, Raja Bell Pepper wanted me to remind you to scrub the cock tanks while he was away on vacation."
"Oh no. When was he supposed to get back?"
"From the time I started laughing at you, he was due back in about ten minutes. Now, eight minutes later, I'd say that he has another minute, wait... Now he has another minute before he's due back. And, when I say due back I mean he's already there and called me before you came here to let me know that you were fired and he'd already hired a retarded monkey to take over your job, and the monkey, who is retarded, has already managed to be twice as productive as you were over your entire three years of employment. He also wanted me to tell you that you have been replaced as his best friend by a... hold on, I wrote it here somewhere. Here it is! Oh, yeah, a retarded monkey."
"Was it the same one that replaced me at my job?"
"Gee you know, I didn't even realize that you had been replaced by a retarded monkey twice, I didn't even think to ask if it was the same one."
"Well, that would be a pretty big coincidence so I'm just going to assume that it was some other retarded monkey."
"Yeah, you do that." These adventures shall be continued next week on...
Bloggedoutentertainment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Party tip of the day: 1- Peeing on people is not as cool as it seems when advertised for on television.

Earlier today, around third period, I received word that I, Markel, have been afflicted with the disastrous disease known to millions, maybe even hundreds, as lung cancer. I understand that not everyone knows the specific details involving lung cancer, and seeing as how I now have it, I thought that I should share these details with you.
First thing you need to know about any of your basic cancers, is that it ain't no picnic. Second thing you need to know about cancer, is that it's a bitch to deal with. Third thing that everyone should know about cancer, is that it isn't a damn lemon and you can't make no damn lemonade from it.
Lesser in importance, is the fact that every cancer, ranging from lung to foot all the way to butt, guarantees anyone who has it a ticket to heaven. Also, cancer causes gross amounts of hemorrhages and terrible out.
Specific facts about lung cancer include the way that it always ends up killing you through a successive pattern of splintering lights, breaking and bending so quickly that your eyes and brain can not handle the speed and tint and eventually can no longer refract light properly. And, everyone knows what happens after you lose the ability to refract light properly. Oh yeah, you know what I'm talking about. Yeah, that's right. No, no, that is wrong. That is very wrong. Never speak of this again. Ever.

I have now discovered that every once in a while, the ordering of my posts are correct, as far as sequential ordering goes... every once in a while. Yet, because it isn't always correct, I have decided that the best way to go about reading my posts, is to not do it at all.

This was on my old site. I just saw it and had to put it on the one that actually works.
Here lies the best guide to game cheats in the entire internet. For Spider Man, the computer game, when you face the oochie moochie bug lug use your light canisters to temporarily blind them and end up ruining their social life and sending them into emotional despair upon which time they should kill themselves. Kandor, the 6th world of the Beta galaxy, is a cruel cruel world. What was I talking about now. Ah, yes, so Rembrandt says to Jesus, "I'd like a piece of that ass," cause a chick had just passed by right. But Jesus, the egocentric, paranoiac, just, madman thinks he's talking about him. So he stands up, all high and mighty, shaking his hands around at him. Meanwhile van Rijn is trying to find out what his freaking problem is and Jesus, this freak starts throwing punches. Anyway, being the coward that I am I ran away... to get help you know. So I found that one guy... Oh what's his name. Oh man he's kind of a body builder so we don't usually hang out with him, but I liked his philosophy on why so many people suck though. Anyway, I found that guy uh... Damn! I still haven't thought of his name. It'll come to me, it'll come to me. Still, I took him over to see what we should do. After we watched Jesus pummel Remmy for about an hour, of what he told me was proper observation time, he declared that we should go get some eggs and egg their houses while they wee so preoccupied. I said, "Thor," Thor! That's his name! Thor! So I said, "Thor, I don't do that to my real friends." So we egged their houses real nasty until these two goody two shoes losers, Bartleby and Loki came by and said something about we've got to get to New Jersey or something, so we pummeled them (mostly I pummeled them as I had to pick up the slack for Thor) for a while. After I got him to pay for some coke and ice cream concoction I ditched Thor for this one chick but it didn't go anywhere so I bought a couple of onions from the 7-11 that has onions and went to sleep.

That Boccaccio was a strange dude eh? In case you are here for the first time, aka looking at this site (nobody's ever been here) it is important to read from the bottom up, due to the lack of sequential ordering properly. Nothing makes sense unless you read upside down. My archives are useless. I'll try to fix them, but I'm not going to be able to do it. Well, bye!

Now a lost work of art from Boccaccio, the author of The Decameron.
I was wandering about my study today. It's good that the plague came when it did. I didn't used to be able to walk around without my undergarments on. My neighbors called the bobbies on me every other night because of lewd and drunken behavior.
Whatever I do in the privacy of my own home or in front of the privacy of other people's homes is my own business, I say. They used to say that it was inappropriate to dance in the nude in front of their house because they had a young girl of 4 or 5 years. What did they think I was doing it for? Did they think I enjoy waving my privates about in the freezing night air? I did, but that wasn't the only reason I was doing it. The art of seduction is subtle and loud, drunken and stammering, naked and beautiful.
It doesn't matter, the plague is the perfect alibi for their murders. I need ale. If you have ale, throw it on the ground and allow me to lick it up off the pavement like a dog or a mop. It will be humorous for you and, eventually, it will be humorous for me too.
I wonder how the public will respond to my new artform. They've been clamoring for a source of relief for years now. I'm thinking about covering nude males in my writing and have them frolic across the barren fields of dead citizens, far too fast too possibly be read.
Letter from Jim Bob McGillicutty to Jeebus Poopenfrank

Party tip o' the day: 3- Polka appeals to 98.7% of all crowds and/or angry mobs.

We don't really have games. I apologize.

Games!

Party tip of the day: 2- Beans can be a bad decision in terms of after party maintenance.

Party tip of the day: 1- Never serve chips and crackers on the same dish.

Breaking news about my mild everything disorder! Apparently, I have mild premature ejaculation, mild erectile disfunction, and mild pee on people disorder.

Party tip of te day: 1- If you are going to take party tips, don't take them from some tiny website made by some loser, for free, and for his own personal enjoyment. Instead, take it from someone like me, someone who creates and destroys multimillion dollar corporations and multifaceted websites with a longstanding streak of excellence and durability with the wave of a hand.

Always read from the bottom, upwards when reading things on my site, or else sequential posts will make absolutely no sense.

Party tip of the day: 3- Use remains of all of your guests from your last party to serve the guests of your next party.

Party tip of the day: 2- Murder all of your guests after the party is over.

Party tip of the day: 1- If you are going to serve alcohol, make sure you make it illegally in your own house.

Whoa! Are we really at war with Iraq? I thought I had just made that up.

I seem to have a severe case of a brand new problem. I have the disease known as mild everything. I have mild paranoia, mild schizophrenia, mild OCD, mild stupidity, mild gastro-intestinal problems, mild chronic fatigue syndrome, mild stress disorder, mild illiteracy, mild magical ability, mild mood swings and others I'd guess. There are two basic ways that you can suffer from mild evrything:
1- Have every problem, only to a mild degree, or,
2- Only exhibit symptoms od problems from time to time.
I suffer from the latter, myself. For example, sometimes I will have to wash my hands after touching anything, wasting up to 3000 gallons in one night. While, at other times I can be so unclean that it's 100% fair to say that I show a total lack of care for common sense and/ or basic human hygiene. Every now and then, I'll have to count my heartbeat down to normality. Every few months I'll be able to move objects using nothing but my mind.

Party tip o' the day: 1- Never invite people you've just picked a fight with in a bar

Party tip o' the day: 3- Do not condone or write about cannibalism on MY website.

Party tip of the day: 2- Do not eat any of the guests after they have arrived at the party.

And now for the newest addition to the Bloggedoutentertainment website, party tips:
Party tip of the day: 1- Do not eat any of the guests before they make it to your party

The next time a person comes up to you and asks you for the time, don't give them the real time, give them the exact opposite, such as 9 at 3 or 12 at 6.

I realize that posting this on my blog is infantile, even stupid, but I figure that everyone will know exactly what it is that I expect to be done upon the ending of my life, without dispute and thusly, here it goes:
My Will And Testament
by: Markel Scott Marin III Rulez!
In the following document I shall instruct my family and friends as to how my estate and all worldly possessions shall be divided amongst all of my acquaintances.
Firstly, comes the issue of my personal and business relations concerning my religion of Ryanism. I find it to be the most responsible decision I could make to hand down this asset to the longest standing member and first revenue of Ryanism, Fran Tarkenton.
Next, is the issue of my holdings in the company of FAFS (Funny As Fucking Shit). Although these were lost I expect my older brother, Fartface Jumboleer, to continue them as long as he shall live, even if it should create a large amount of inconvenience for him, just as I did during my legacy.
Speaking of my legacy, I must demand that Fartface also write my biography under the pen name of “El Reggaeton Lover Numero Uno Mil, Punto Veinte.” If this task is not carried out within three weeks of my death it should become common knowledge that my soul is not at ease and won’t be until the death of my brother soothes it.
As for The Worst Story of All Time, I strangely leave this to Carrot Top to finish, partly because he gave me inspiration for the story and partly because he might be the only one that could ever get it published. He’s a pretty powerful man.
I wouldn’t feel right without giving away my awesome sense of humor, and thusly, will give it away to Steven Segal. He seems to need it the most. Maybe it’s time for a buddy film Stevie. Or at least a friggin chill pill.
Next, may well be the most important/ unimportant assets I have in my possession today. My well-kempt, incredibly tight, hot, loose, unsettling, sometimes scary to little children, combo of monkey’s uncle and carpenter’s, ass. Robert Kelly, you may have been wondering why your name popped up on some dude’s blog when you asked for hot pictures of R. Kelly’s well-kempt ass. Well, I’ll tell you:
When you type in a search make sure not to be in a hurry, cause sometimes you may type too many things in. It’s important to be concise and keep your words nice, cause when you type certain things in that can be tied in to pornographic material, you can be led to an adult search engine. Since nobody wants that, be sure not to type too fast or else you’ll end up like R. Kelly. And if you think that you are ever committing an act similar to that which is on that gratuitous porn you watched the other day in a video that was supposed to have been an ad for Sprite, then you are probably R. Kelly.
Anyway, my ass is to be lopped off, stuck on a pole, and inserted into the peak of the highest mountain in the world, Mount Hugemongous Mountain I don’t know the name of.
That’s it for now.