Alright!  Get ready hooray guy, it's time for what the kids have been calling:
 
Total crap                                                -the kids
 
The worst shit I've ever been forced to read by a strange man on my way to school.  I understand how you may see this as somewhat of a compliment within a criticism, but I swear on christ's grave, my father by the way, that I am abducted by a strange man every damn day on my way to school.  If it happens thirteen more times I'm going to start suspecting that it isn't just coincidence and give it twenty-three or twenty-four more times before I stop using that route.                                              -Jamal from down the block
 
Nothing but jibberish and bullshit.                          -Some punk kid
 
That's right, adventure time!
 
I got out of the dumpster then, self respect hanging on by the huge penis, and found that they had remained outside of the receptacle the whole damn time.  I used my jet pack shoes and made it to the nearby rooftop.  Unfortunately, as I was in a residential area at the time, that was a one story home's rooftop that I went crashing into after being in the air for about two minutes. 
So I stayed with the Lopez family for the next two years, taking their being smashed under their own roof as hospitality.  However, when I finally left their home, under the support of my incredibly weak, unworked legs my fat body collapsed on the front lawn and I was shot to death with bullets.  Except that the bullets were cheeseburgers and they were shot into my mouth and I died of a heart attack and not from gunshot wounds and mass bleeding.  Also, I did a lot of heroine and coke.  I also killed a dude to drink his blood, hoping that it would restore my vivality... it didn't.
Fuck you then, I think lawyers are okay.
 
Hooray!
... I think

Reasons (main) why I hate life/ the newest feature of my lameass "website":
 

1. Everyone is better at it than me
   
2. The food is good... too good...?
3. The incessant fart/ dick jokes
4. All the racism's already over
5. Scratch that, all the good racism, like that which you see on the TVs is already over
6. Not enough movies about a planet run by damned dirty apes
7. All the goddamn nutballs
8. Foreheads, let's leave it at that
9. War, what an awful band, in my opinion of course
10. The insanely high level of stupidity

Party tip of the day: 1- Throw rocks at the police precinct if you want to be sure that someone comes to your party.  Every time I've done it, and I'm not exaggerating here, I've had people, literally, following me all the way back to my party.  And, what's more, I've always ended up at another party after getting transportation from one of the people who followed me and (just between us) I've always gotten laid.

My impression of other people's blogs:
HaHAHAHAHAHAHAHa!   Stuff is funny to me... right now so I... asssume it be funy fer uder poople.   Duh!  ramblings about unimportant stuff  Well I'm going to go live in a retard village
 
If I knew how I would totally insert the finger right here. 
As Cam said, Fuck You

I don't mean to upset anyone, but I fucking hate all of you people.  The second you feel like you have some possible bond with someone, you try to befriend them.  Yet, when I was eating babies with hitler and osama, it was all like, I'm not going to go to his jackassy website cause I'm nothing but a bigass fucking loser.  Then I get you people here and you expect me to be your fucking savior or some bullshit.  Fuck you!  You need to get the fuck off of my website if you want me to be your god damn friend or something.  Assholes
 
Or maybe I'm just overreacting.  I know Vladimir's pretty cool anyway.

Party tip of the day: 1- I'm sorry.  I just don't feel like I can do this.  I just don't understand why people like the blogger officials always have to mess with me.  I see no reason why people have to make other people feel good and happy for a limited amount of time and then rip everything away.  I'm sorry, I shouldn't drag my personal life into my shitty ass blog.
Always serve punch.

Party tip of the day: 1- Shoot all the guests or they'll go and tell other people about your next one.

From the dawn of time I have existed, and I have done so with one purpose in mind. Yet, I have always been heckled for being unable to accomplish this, seemingly, easy task. Every waking moment of my life has been carried out in shame. Well, God, I have finally won. After all of this time, someone has, strnagely enough, responded to some of the dumbass stuff I put on display in a public forum. I'd just like to thank the Man for putting so many people down and lending me some for the manual labor needed to support my efforts. As always I need to thank terrorism for scaring people shitless over the years, kiddie porn. I guess that's it really. Oh, and fear itself.

Are you serious?
Sorry folks, it turns out that it's against regulations to inform people incorrectly or make up an entire nuclear holocaust. I'm apparently under "investigation" so I guess I've got some "sweeping up" to do. [wink wink, Im actually talking about removing the kiddie porn and several hostages from my garage. Better get out those Hooray Osama posters too.] What's that? Shouldn't be writing that. Which state is it that they can't use website information against a defendant? You don't know, you're not a lawyer. You're just a dog. You want me to do what? Get rid of who?

I've got to go, something's come up

Party tip of the day: 2- Never eat your guests without having been through thorough cannibalism training for at least a month. There's just no get used to the taste of human flesh quick plan that really works.

Party tip of the day: 1- Never schedule a party on the same day as a nuclear holocaust, or the day before one for that matter. I'd bet I've got some pretty cranky houseguests up there. Thank god, or I guess god doesn't exist huh, thank jesus, my wetback trainer, for helping out with my three wetback gorillas. If he hadn't told me to feed them once a night I would have been down here sleeping in my fallout shelter anyway, as I always sleep in here on the night of a party. So, I guess he's dead.

What's that? Oh my goodness! I am SO sorry, I meant silverback gorillas

It's a new day of new opportunities. The sun is up, the sky is bluish green, the mail hasn't arrived, nobody seems to be out, we seem to be locked in some sort of vault, hold on-




Did the nuclear holocaust start again or something?
Uh, yeah I think so.
Hmm... I guess that's life huh? Oh well

Party tip of the day: 2- Never throw a party

Party tip of the day: 1- If you are going to throw a party you should make an appearance.

with cocaine

and booze

and strippers

and law enforcement officers.

I've just been informed that online dating is for losers. Thought you might like to know.

As you may have been able to conclude on your own, STD, the less important half of the contributors to the public's favorite site, died a month ago from eating too many chcolate racoons while listening to acclaimed xylophonist, Richard Sukass and playing Prince of Persia for 400 straight hours. It was truly the happiest moment of my life when I received the phone call. Now that he's dead and after that 12 million drug deal went through the other day, not only are we barely in debt, but now I can get high and trick people into hanging out in my garage for hours until I eventually kill them with pure, unadulterated runs juice.

Naw man, that shit's stupid.

Come on hooray guy, what am I paying you for.

To say, 'Hooray?'

Ha Ha! Yes!

Damn you! I will have my revenge! Aidrian!

Whatever

Sometimes there are people who come along in an era and completely dominate it in their area of expertise. In this regard we have our very own dominator. His name, Billinghams Tuttle IV. His title, Online Stock Broker. His game, the ladies.
The fat ones anyway.
He came back with a large grin on his face.
We stood or sat, according to our preference at the time, and watched as he returned. Some of us watched with our heads turned from him or hung into our chests, but we watched all the same.
"I've still got it boys. The fairer sex is but a hurdle for me to swiftly hop."
"You only pick up fat chicks."
"Chicks? What are you, twelve.? That is a woman." He pointed, but she was no longer there. "Besides all women have confidence. Weight makes no difference."
"What are you joking?"
"Hold it, I've got work to do-
Will he pick up that hippo- Oh, I'm sorry! Will he pick up that rotun chick? Find out when I don't post it next time on Billinghams Tuttle, Online Stock Broker/ Fat Ladies Man.

Party tip of the day: 2- A fun and hip theme nowadays is electroshock therapy. Unable to afford the proper equipment, a cheaper way to accomplish the same goal is to strap your old electrical equipment to your guests after you've tied them to chairs, preferably weeks in advance and have them dive into a bathtub. Naturally, the gadgets will need to be plugged in to an extension chord to insure your safety and, naturally, you'll need to push them in.

As I can see how a moron could be confused by simple mathematics, you have to press on the link which will read # comments in order to respond to anything on the site. I see that a few people have already responded, but I'd really rather they hadn't. Remember, this is a site for children so keep your comments positive and uplifting, avoiding the use of profanity at all times. Otherwise, I'll have to bitchslap your punkasses off my god damn site you filthy punk kids.
SUCK IT DRY!

It's time for adventure time.

Hooray?

The old man came up to me. I noticed that he didn't wobble as much as your average old bastard. Apparently all of the wobble from his walk had benn transferred to his speech.
He began, "Ababababababa-"
I said, "Right, well, I've got to hit the old, dusty trail," believing that he was trying to play a trick on me.
Then he continued, "bababadowntownbaba."
I looked around in confusion... the kind of confusion that makes you search for nearby police officers. Finding my confusion to lead to nothing I punched him in the kidney and stomped on his genitals as he fell. I was going to steal his wallet, but it was blue, the color of the gay, so I only stole his money.

Hooray?

Party tip of the day: 1- Inviting your friends never turns out as well as you'd expect it to. You can never leave or go to sleep in a corner of the living room because everyone has to come by and compliment you on the excellent party I've thrown. Yeah, that's right I've thrown. I'd better be getting appreciation for my help on every party flier made by someone who has ever read anything on this site.

Because we have realized that not everyone has a newborn cyborg monkey, we have decided to close down the site forever. No I'm sorry, I meant that we will be returning them to their old slots. I'm sorry I don't know what could have possibly given me that crazy idea. Oh, maybe it's the enormous debt and irreparable damage this site is faced with because of lack of judgement and poor decision making regarding every facet of the site.

Due to the schedule change created by the rash discontinuation and immediate reinstatement of party tips, party tips and adventure time can only be viewed on the ass monitors of newborn cyborg monkeys.

Due to the fact that wild story adventures is actually unbelievably costly and doesn't generate half the revenue it would take to keep it on the site, party tips is being brought back.

Due to the incredible success of adventure time, party tips, the old, dried up, yet, quasi-successful segment of the site will no longer be shown.

Yeah, and all lousy pigs are corrupt!

So, how'd you like it? I'm not going to read it as I'm an important businessman with absolutely no money, but I'm going to assume that you the viewer is impressed by it. It was sent in by the adventure-writing company of Jewsarealwaysthebestcomediansandblacksaretheonlygoodathletesandmexicansarealwaysgoodworkersandallgermansareracistsanditaliansareverygreasyandfrenchmensmelllikecheeseandallirishmenlikewhiskeyandrussianslikevodkaandallaustraliansarelawlessandeveryoneofenglishdecenthavebadteethandeveryjamaicanlikessmokingbigspliffsandcolombiansmakegoodcoffeebutmaketheirrealmoneyfromblowandallasiansaregoodatmathandtheswissaregoodfornothingbutcocoaandallafricansusespearsanddon'thaveclothesandallcanadiansarecowardsandallamericansthinktheyknoweverythingandlacksurvivalskillsandallmuslimsareterroristsandbraziliansarethebestsoccerplayersoldpeopleareuselessandonlypayinchangeandkidshavenoabilitytodistinguishbetweenrightorwrongandallindiansaregoodtrackersandallfatpeoplearejolly Inc. They also like to be called Perpetuation Inc. Well bye!

We entered the pool hall with the deer slung over our shoulders. We dropped the deer onto the tile and asked the barkeep Dan Bobeegeegullgort if he had anything to drink. He asked if we had anything specific in mind. I told him, it can't be Cuervo, no margaritas. I told him, I need something with a little more edge and a little more whiskey. He gave us some Coors Lights and told us it was whiskey. I dipped my finger in it and pretended to taste it and claimed it was sour. Needless to say, when we left that joint we were forced by the local bar matrons at broken bottle point.

I went all out today and spent the entire budget of bloggedoutentertainment to acquire this new segment of the site:

KrAzy coOl AdvenTUre Tyme!
I hope you like it because it has officialy made us bankrupt.

Party tip of the day: 3- Throw every third party in a mucky sewer, because one out of every third party will deserve to be thrown in the sewer anyway. Ooh, I'm such a bitch!

Party tip of the day: 2- If the party begins winding down, release a pack of starving wolves into the main room.

Party tip of the day: 1- Invite entire mental wards to your next party or else you won't have anything interesting happen.

I just finished eating babies with Hitler and Osama, I thought I might cap off the day by visiting my blog.

I'll admit, I'm not a professional psychologist or therapist, but thirty one bound hobos couldn't possibly be wrong and seeing as how they keep coming back every time I go into my garage, I think they're pretty happy with the service I've provided.